Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
