So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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