can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
