I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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