Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize