I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
And then my night got REAL pukey
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
