I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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