Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
