I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
