I heard we made out
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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