ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
