it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
