she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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