girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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