my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
