Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you win again, gameday.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
