No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
