I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
