do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
