Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize