im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Randomize
