3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
