But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
