I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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