I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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