Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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