I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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