the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
