Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
