Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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