I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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