the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
