sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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