ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
