Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
