i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
