I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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