ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
