Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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