Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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