2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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