he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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