She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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