my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
