Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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