a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
