these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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