He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I could make wine with my vomit
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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