He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
