the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
