I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
