I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize