I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
