thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
