We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
