Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
