I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think people are normalizing furries
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
