I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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