she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
