you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
