All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I need to stop coming to work sober
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
