I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
