Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
