have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
