This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
