saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
