i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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