I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
