I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just google imaged poop.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
