There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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