just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
