In the future we'll all be gay
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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