Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
