We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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