btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
