i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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