i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize