new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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