Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
