Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
