my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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