i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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