i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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