So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
