Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
