A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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