I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
