Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
