im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
