I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
