Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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